Last Saturday, just as we finished dinner and started on a game of Bananagrams we heard the “thump, thump, thump” of someone at the door. I was in the living room away from the front door setting up our beloved game and I asked Gary who was there.
Cheerfully he responded “the neighbors!” “Which ones?” I ask. “All of them” he sputtered. It turns out a gaggle of neighbors were at the door, they had come to guide us to the ridge for the Guy Fawkes Night celebration. A firework show was being put on by the city since due to the pandemic the traditional bonfire was not possible. The group waited as we masked up. They handed Alvin a light sabre sort of glow stick, he was in heaven. I felt like the first kid picked at the schoolyard. The fireworks illuminated the city. An appropriate celebration for us since earlier in the evening we had learned about Biden and Harris’s victory.
The neighborhood…
Our neighborhood is chatty and filled with playmates for Alvin. In the morning in unison we all walk to the neighborhood school. Alvin’s second grade curriculum (here referred to as year three) consists of cursive writing, fractions, multiplications, and Roman history. The students at public schools wear uniforms. An even playing field in my head; even if it is only a figment of my imagination, I’ll take it. We no longer have to figure out what to wear in the morning rush.
We walk, forced to be active keeping our health and spirits in good terms. Ten minutes to Sainsbury (think Fred Myer) or thirty minutes into town. The walks are lined with homes that remind me I am in a country that was bustling and industrializing when the United States was figuring out its independence. I reflect on the meaning of time as I pause and take in.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hospital_of_St_Cross
The weather is crisp, the foot paths are layered with golden leaves. Our small home with a cupboard under the stairs includes a simpler way of life. No dishwasher, television (for now) or excess furniture in part because of a lack of a vehicle. It allows us to focus on the details previously covered with things. We laugh at words like pipping hot or heat on the hob listed on the back of food labels. We read, play games, still dance and take family walks. Two weeks out of isolation and I still feel as though I am in a dream.
Goal Accomplished….
So now what? I have reached my goal. Do I create a new goal? Do I rest and take a breath? Taking in the accomplishment that took years in the making, but for how long is acceptable? During isolation we occupied ourselves by unpacking, settling, and distracted with Alvin’s school work. Alvin now in school and with the days free I sit taking it all in. We are in England. I reached my goal.
The peace and joy that comes with this accomplishment are like a foreigner in my house. We see each other but we speak a different language. I could distract them with a drink or creating unnecessary tasks, but I am glad they here. In the past they have only visited, never stayed. Intrigued by these visitors my anxiety comes out to greet them. I recall reading once that happiness is like an organism. If you think about it too much you lose it. My anxiety takes the lead reminding me to not focus on the bliss. I am trying to sit with them but they are such strangers. I feel like an introduction at an AA meeting “I have a problem I do not know how to live with joy or peace.”
Brené Browns’s says, as a society we have a hard time accepting joy. It makes us vulnerable. I gently ask my anxiety to sit in the corner while I try to get comfortable with peace and joy. I voice my gratitude the neighbors, the vast open fields, the walking paths, time to write and read, a small minimalist home. All there to make them feel welcomed.
Things have changed.
We do not have the spectacular views of the Narrows Bridge at sunset, cocktail hour with neighbors or family stopping by for a quick visit. We do have children running down the street, big meadows for long walks and old buildings to remind us of the scarcity of time. And the space to learn to live with peace and joy.
